Thoughts from a slow runner.

I admit, yesterday I was quite disappointed. I had set my expectations way too high for only my second half marathon and they quickly came crashing down. I remember the euphoria of my first half in N. Myrtle Beach last year. Thousands of runners, family and friends present. My only goal was to finish (in my head I thought I hope I finish in under 3 hours). I finished in 2 hours and 45 minutes and was just thrilled!

I have been running a little over  a year now. I wanted to set a high goal of knocking 15 minutes off my first half. I needed to run 8.4 km/h to accomplish this. I ran my last long run, 18km at 8.2 km/h. I really thought I would be close or at least knock a good 10 minutes off my first half.

I went to the race by myself. It was in Timisoara. It was a good atmosphere. 407 runners I believe, what I didn't realize was that out of 407 runners at least half of them were only signed up for the 10.9k race. The course was 10.9 km, as I was crossing the line to make my second round, I realized there was no one else. I was running down big closed roads all by myself. If I only ran for the euphoria that I felt on my first race, then I would definitely not be running another half. I felt so alone and I got slower and slower and there was nothing I could do about it. The great thing about running though is, it is not always about the euphoric feeling. It is about endurance. It is about learning. It is about making yourself finish something you started. The Christian life can feel very lonely sometimes. You aren't always surrounded by good friends and having a good time. There are really lonely times. Times where it is just you and God. You find out, when you truly have a relationship with God, that He really is enough. As difficult and as disappointing as yesterday was, I will keep running. I will do it again, until my body says no more. I came in next to last and my time was longer than my first half. Running is a huge mental and physical challenge. I let the mental challenge get the best of me. I did finish though. As I was finishing the first round I thought, why oh why didn't I just sign up for the 10.9k, then I'd be finishing with everyone else. It was the saddest and loneliest feeling running on all these closed and empty streets. Lesson learned, in a half marathon with just a couple hundred people, I'm going to be in the back of the pack.

I keep reminding myself, it was only the second time in my life I've every run that distance. Actually, it was my longest distance yet, 13.58 miles to be exact. I keep trying to remind myself, I started running a year ago at the age of 43 after having hated running my whole life. The thing I enjoy most about running is the lessons learned through running. I have learned, I really can go just one more km, one more step, one more time around. I can be alone and lonely and make it through. Life is like a long race; pace yourself so you can finish, fuel your mind and body with what they need. Food gives life or sucks it from you. Think of food as fuel for your body: eating to live, not living to eat. (I do not have this fueling my body part down 100% yet, but I'm working on it.) What you think and meditate on gives you mental vitality or sucks if from you. Think on true things, trust God even when you don't understand, know that He loves you even when you don't feel like it's true.