Advice for those who want to adopt

Someone else I know recently watched the movie, "Lion" and they were deeply moved by it. If you have never adopted and don't know anyone personally who has adopted, I highly recommend you watch that movie to get an idea of the highs and lows of adoption. It is such a realistic view into the life of a family who adopted.

I have been thinking and reflecting lately on what I wish I had known before we adopted. I wish someone had given us some advice before we jumped in without any knowledge or training of what could happen to our family dynamics because of adoption. So, I decided to give my two cents worth and hopefully someone who is thinking about adoption will be helped by this advice.

The first thing I would advise is to find four other families who are wanting to adopt and form a support group together. I suggest five families go together and buy the Empowered to Connect DVDs, all of them. They are expensive but if five families go together it is affordable. Watch them together if possible. Teach the children already in your home about kids that come from hard places. I think five families is a good number. Small enough to allow everyone to be involved in discussion, yet large enough to support one another and have someone to call when you need help.

The second thing I would suggest is, to educate yourself. Two books I recommend are, Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control" and "The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family."  The first book gives you a view of the effects of trauma on the body and mind and how trauma alters children's behavioral responses.  The second also shows you how and why trauma affects the behavior of children plus gives advice on how to parent differently. It really takes a completely different type of parenting when you have children from hard places in your home.

The third thing I would suggest, is signing up for training in either Empowered to Connect or Trauma Competent caregiver training. I do not want to sound pessimistic and negative, but chances are if you adopt, you are going to face some challenges. Even if you adopt from day one of a child's life, you never know what kind of trauma went on in the womb. A child can sense if they are wanted or not in the womb and they are affected by this. If you have a rosie and rainbow adoption, great! It is best to prepare for the worst and then if the worst never comes, praise God and use your training to help someone else. It is really difficult when you are in the midst of a child going through major behavioral problems to then seek out getting training and educating yourself. It is best to go through training and educate yourself when your mind is clear and you have time to soak it in and think about it.

Adoption is a beautiful thing and it is a difficult thing. Difficult for the adopted children and for the adoptive family. Do not let this deter you from adopting. If God is leading you in this direction, he will give you the strength and thankfully there is help available. Every child deserves to have a family. Step out of your comfort zone and pray about fostering and/or adopting.

 "Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world." James 1:27

"Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed." Psalm 82:

"He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing." Deuteronomy 10:18

"...you have been a helper to the fatherless." Psalm 10:14b

God promises care and protection for those who cannot protect themselves. He is a God of justice. Children not knowing the love of a family is a great injustice and there are millions of children living in this reality. God asks us to do something about it, he asks us to do our part in working towards justice. God shows us through his word as believers that we should pursue meeting the needs of children living as orphans. Start by praying and asking God to show you what you can do to help defend the fatherless.