Thoughts from a slow runner.

I admit, yesterday I was quite disappointed. I had set my expectations way too high for only my second half marathon and they quickly came crashing down. I remember the euphoria of my first half in N. Myrtle Beach last year. Thousands of runners, family and friends present. My only goal was to finish (in my head I thought I hope I finish in under 3 hours). I finished in 2 hours and 45 minutes and was just thrilled!

I have been running a little over  a year now. I wanted to set a high goal of knocking 15 minutes off my first half. I needed to run 8.4 km/h to accomplish this. I ran my last long run, 18km at 8.2 km/h. I really thought I would be close or at least knock a good 10 minutes off my first half.

I went to the race by myself. It was in Timisoara. It was a good atmosphere. 407 runners I believe, what I didn't realize was that out of 407 runners at least half of them were only signed up for the 10.9k race. The course was 10.9 km, as I was crossing the line to make my second round, I realized there was no one else. I was running down big closed roads all by myself. If I only ran for the euphoria that I felt on my first race, then I would definitely not be running another half. I felt so alone and I got slower and slower and there was nothing I could do about it. The great thing about running though is, it is not always about the euphoric feeling. It is about endurance. It is about learning. It is about making yourself finish something you started. The Christian life can feel very lonely sometimes. You aren't always surrounded by good friends and having a good time. There are really lonely times. Times where it is just you and God. You find out, when you truly have a relationship with God, that He really is enough. As difficult and as disappointing as yesterday was, I will keep running. I will do it again, until my body says no more. I came in next to last and my time was longer than my first half. Running is a huge mental and physical challenge. I let the mental challenge get the best of me. I did finish though. As I was finishing the first round I thought, why oh why didn't I just sign up for the 10.9k, then I'd be finishing with everyone else. It was the saddest and loneliest feeling running on all these closed and empty streets. Lesson learned, in a half marathon with just a couple hundred people, I'm going to be in the back of the pack.

I keep reminding myself, it was only the second time in my life I've every run that distance. Actually, it was my longest distance yet, 13.58 miles to be exact. I keep trying to remind myself, I started running a year ago at the age of 43 after having hated running my whole life. The thing I enjoy most about running is the lessons learned through running. I have learned, I really can go just one more km, one more step, one more time around. I can be alone and lonely and make it through. Life is like a long race; pace yourself so you can finish, fuel your mind and body with what they need. Food gives life or sucks it from you. Think of food as fuel for your body: eating to live, not living to eat. (I do not have this fueling my body part down 100% yet, but I'm working on it.) What you think and meditate on gives you mental vitality or sucks if from you. Think on true things, trust God even when you don't understand, know that He loves you even when you don't feel like it's true.

Advice for those who want to adopt

Someone else I know recently watched the movie, "Lion" and they were deeply moved by it. If you have never adopted and don't know anyone personally who has adopted, I highly recommend you watch that movie to get an idea of the highs and lows of adoption. It is such a realistic view into the life of a family who adopted.

I have been thinking and reflecting lately on what I wish I had known before we adopted. I wish someone had given us some advice before we jumped in without any knowledge or training of what could happen to our family dynamics because of adoption. So, I decided to give my two cents worth and hopefully someone who is thinking about adoption will be helped by this advice.

The first thing I would advise is to find four other families who are wanting to adopt and form a support group together. I suggest five families go together and buy the Empowered to Connect DVDs, all of them. They are expensive but if five families go together it is affordable. Watch them together if possible. Teach the children already in your home about kids that come from hard places. I think five families is a good number. Small enough to allow everyone to be involved in discussion, yet large enough to support one another and have someone to call when you need help.

The second thing I would suggest is, to educate yourself. Two books I recommend are, Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control" and "The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family."  The first book gives you a view of the effects of trauma on the body and mind and how trauma alters children's behavioral responses.  The second also shows you how and why trauma affects the behavior of children plus gives advice on how to parent differently. It really takes a completely different type of parenting when you have children from hard places in your home.

The third thing I would suggest, is signing up for training in either Empowered to Connect or Trauma Competent caregiver training. I do not want to sound pessimistic and negative, but chances are if you adopt, you are going to face some challenges. Even if you adopt from day one of a child's life, you never know what kind of trauma went on in the womb. A child can sense if they are wanted or not in the womb and they are affected by this. If you have a rosie and rainbow adoption, great! It is best to prepare for the worst and then if the worst never comes, praise God and use your training to help someone else. It is really difficult when you are in the midst of a child going through major behavioral problems to then seek out getting training and educating yourself. It is best to go through training and educate yourself when your mind is clear and you have time to soak it in and think about it.

Adoption is a beautiful thing and it is a difficult thing. Difficult for the adopted children and for the adoptive family. Do not let this deter you from adopting. If God is leading you in this direction, he will give you the strength and thankfully there is help available. Every child deserves to have a family. Step out of your comfort zone and pray about fostering and/or adopting.

 "Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world." James 1:27

"Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed." Psalm 82:

"He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing." Deuteronomy 10:18

"...you have been a helper to the fatherless." Psalm 10:14b

God promises care and protection for those who cannot protect themselves. He is a God of justice. Children not knowing the love of a family is a great injustice and there are millions of children living in this reality. God asks us to do something about it, he asks us to do our part in working towards justice. God shows us through his word as believers that we should pursue meeting the needs of children living as orphans. Start by praying and asking God to show you what you can do to help defend the fatherless.